THE COURT LIFE OF A RANDOM TESTER

Mishaps and near misses

***

Story by Marina Matei

In the great land of Testeria, unknown by man, lived a tester.

His life was a simple one: he kept testing every game that was hurled in his direction. Although he didn’t whine, he sometimes wondered what his life would be if he wasn’t testing all the time. The answer? It would be nothing. Nothing was more important for him than making sure that the game entrusted to him was no less than perfect.

But one
day, all of this changed. His perfect testing life was shaken by the worst
thing that could happen to a tester. All of it started one morning; a nice,
warm one. Nothing predicted the disaster that would soon happen.

He arrived at his office like every other day and sat down at his desk. He picked his controller and tried booting the game. Suddenly, his worst fears came to life: there was no internet connection.

The tester
looked at his screen in shock. He didn’t believe his eyes. This couldn’t
happen, not to him. He got up and began walking to the castle’s grounds. There,
he searched for the Great King’s lair, the home of the great Project Lead.

‘O, Great
King, we are in big trouble!’ said the tester, kneeling down in front of
Project Lead’s throne.

‘What
would be the problem, Random Tester? Why aren’t you testing?’ echoed the king’s
voice throughout the throne chamber.

‘We have
no internet connection, your Majesty.” answered the tester, his voice and
legs shaking at the greatness that was in front of him.

‘Let me
see what I can do.’

Project
Lead got up from his throne and went into a nearby chamber. He spent several
minutes there, doing God knows what, only to come out looking defeated.

‘Random
Tester, I am afraid that we forgot to pay the Internet bill.’ said Project
Lead, a small tear forming in the corner of his eye.

‘No! This
can’t be!’ Random Tester was already panicking. What was he to do if he
couldn’t test?! ‘Please tell me there is something I can do!’

‘Fortunately,
you can. As I cannot leave the castle unattended, I am trusting you to go to
the Will Not Fix village and pay our internet bill.’ answered Project
Lead.

Random
Tester started shaking once again. He couldn’t refuse a direct request from
Project Lead, but the thought of going to the Will Not Fix village was
terrifying. That village was the home of all the bugs that were not worthy
enough to be repaired. The longer a bug stayed in there, the crazier it got.
They became so crazy, that they would attack every tester in sight, including
their authors.

Still
shaking, he took the money Project Lead handed to him and began walking towards
the village.

He arrived
quite shortly, as Will Not Fix was pretty close to the Testing Kingdom.

As soon as
he set foot into the village, he began hearing some strange noises coming from
every direction possible. That was it. The bugs heard him coming; His life was
done for.

He kept
walking cautiously towards the Lords of Internet, trying to ignore the strange
sounds and screams that became clearer and louder the more he ventured between
the shabby houses.

Just as he
was becoming more and more accustomed to the sound, a strange creature jumped
in front of him. It was no taller than a cat, with its strange long arms
dangling around like soup noodles. It had a small round body, an eye on the
forehead and one where an ear would be. Above the bug’s head, there was its
description: “A leaf is clipping with another leaf”.

‘I am a
crash!!!’ screamed the bug as it charged towards poor Random Tester. He felt
the pain first, and, looking at his hand, saw that the bug had just bit him.

Screaming
in pain, he began shaking his hand in order to make the bug fall off.
Eventually he was able to break free of the bug’s attack, slamming it against a
wall.

Thinking
that the fight was won, Random Tester resumed his path and finally made it to
Lords of Internet.

After he
paid the Internet bill, he got back to the Testing Kingdom. He was not even
afraid of the bugs anymore, as he felt so good thinking that Project Lead would
be forever thankful for his good deed.

He went
straight to the Throne Room to inform Project Lead that the bill was now paid;
they had Internet, so they could test all day!

‘Good job,
Random Tester!’ said Project Lead joyfully. ‘You did a good thing today that I
will make sure will be remembered.’

However,
just as Project Lead was praising Random Tester, there was a sudden white
lightning, and then darkness set all around them.

‘What was
that?!’ asked Random Tester, his voice trembling at the thought that something
was once again blocking his testing.

They
searched and searched for something that would explain the situation better,
but they found nothing. Suddenly, there was a strange noise coming from one of
the castle’s towers, and a high-pitched voice screamed: ‘I am a crash!!!’

That was
the moment Random Tester realised his mistake. That was the bug that attacked
him back at the Will Not Fix village. It probably climbed Random
Tester’s backpack when he wasn’t paying attention and now he chewed at the
power cables. There was no power in the entire Testing Kingdom and, without any
power, there was no way that the testing could resume.

It took
over a day for the power to be restored in the Kingdom, and Random Tester was
never allowed to set foot in Will Not Fix village again.

It’s safe
to say that he didn’t even want to hear that name again, after what had
happened. He felt so much guilt, that he wasn’t brave enough to look Project
Lead in the eyes anymore.

However,
in the blink of an eye, testing safely resumed in the Testing Kingdom and life
went on as expected.

Everybody
was happy again.

***

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